


shh, my darling

by MavenMorozova



Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catholic School, F/F, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, One Shot, Pining, Resolved Pining, Roommates, not slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MavenMorozova/pseuds/MavenMorozova
Summary: Danna realizes that she has feelings for Narcissa, and is unsure of how to feel.
Relationships: Danna Bell | Monarch/Narcissa, Danna Bell | Monarch/Narcissa Cronin
Kudos: 7





	shh, my darling

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this was written for an anon request on Tumblr for my 500 followers celebration! (@darkalinas)
> 
> also written for the hogwartsonline May OWLs prompt: _silence_

Danna had never felt so much at odds with herself. She’d been raised one way, one faith, one set of rigid beliefs, and she’d never questioned anything. When she’d been adopted by her grandmother, she in turn had adopted her grandmother’s religion, and since then, Catholicism had been as important to her as anything else.

But now… Danna wasn’t sure where to turn. It was a sin for a woman to love a woman, and yet how could her feelings for Narcissa Cronin be a sin at all? It was admiration at her beauty, finding her antics adorable--how quiet she was and how smart, only opening up around Danna herself. How could it be wrong?

Danna shook her head to clear it, but to no avail. Narcissa was always there on her mind, instead of, say, the Virgin Mary, and when she wasn’t, she was in front of Danna in real life--they were roommates, after all. Danna groaned and collapsed back onto her bed, accidentally knocking her head on the wall. She grunted in pain and gave a long sigh. She really was a mess.

The bathroom door creaked open and Narcissa stood there, wrapped in a towel and positively glowing. Her red hair was dark with dripping water and beaded at the ends. She turned and saw Danna slouched on the top bunk and raised an eyebrow. With a jolt of unadulterated fear, Danna realized that she’d been staring and hastily dropped her gaze to the phone she held in her lap.

“Well, that was a shitty day,” Narcissa muttered. Though the statement wasn’t funny at all, it made Danna smile a bit despite herself. Her roommate would never curse outside of this dormitory, and if she did, she would immediately turn red enough to match her ginger hair. No...outside these walls, Narcissa was moody in a more subdued sense, though at this point in the year, Danna knew her well enough to sense what she was really feeling.

“Yes, it was,” Danna agreed, laughing. They’d just come from an excruciatingly difficult precal exam when Sister Tamaya had reprimanded Narcissa for her too-short skirt and sent her to the principal’s office. The issue was that Narcissa had cut  _ all  _ of her school-issued skirts and hemmed them to match. She’d done this in a fit of rage last night, furious over something that Danna couldn’t understand.

Of course, Narcissa hadn’t  _ told  _ any of the Sisters that this was the case, much less the two priests that led their school, Father Hugh and Father Simon, but she was bound to be called out again. And Danna would gladly lend her clothes to her roommate and best friend (and more?), but her body was simply much curvier than Narcissa’s. So tomorrow, Danna knew that Narcissa would have to find other skirts or wear Danna’s and...keep pulling it up? They didn’t have belts.

It was a mundane problem, and Danna was glad to focus on it in the midst of her inner turmoil. As long as she could keep her thoughts away from Narcissa, how beautiful she was…and how even more stunning she would look lying below her, hair haloed on the pillow…

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. She had to stop. Danna climbed down the ladder from her bed, hopping off at the last few rungs. Brushing her hair briefly with her fingers in the mirror, she shuffled over to the bathroom to take her shower, Narcissa watching her with narrowed eyes.

It was only when the door was shut behind her that she could fully relax. A curse word popped into her head--bright, new, shiny. “Fuck,” she said, trying the word out on her tongue. It was perfect for how she felt at the moment. Even if Narcissa did like her back...the school as a whole wouldn’t accept them as a couple. They’d have to date in secret, an annoying enough possibility in it of itself, and that wasn’t even considering that Narcissa, who was attending a  _ Catholic boarding school _ , could ever be attracted to a girl.

But then again, she did have these moments that made Danna wonder...like how she had cut the skirts yesterday. A good Catholic schoolgirl wouldn’t do that, right? And she always changed in the bathroom and averted her eyes in the locker rooms. So…

Danna knew that she was just fishing for clues, trying to mold the situation to the way she wanted it to be. She was just too hopeful...and it was wrong of her, she told herself. Girls weren’t supposed to like girls!

That night, she prayed for her feelings to go away. They’d been festering slowly for the last several months, but she wanted them  _ away  _ for good, this time. Danna even pulled out her rosary, tapping each bead with a new  _ Hail Mary _ , her other hand playing absentmindedly with her blonde braids.

She dreamt of stolen kisses and pale skin with ginger hair, runs together on the field, private glances during mass. She dreamt of Narcissa’s lips on hers--Narcissa, eyes heavily lidded, as Danna pushed her against the wall, her roommate pulling on her long blonde braids.

When she woke, Narcissa was leaning over her with a scrunched forehead and wide eyes. “You were mumbling in your sleep,” she explained. Danna sat up quickly, nearly knocking Narcissa from where she stood on the ladder. Rubbing her eyes sleepily, Danna saw that it was still dark outside, the only light being the courtyard lamps and the faraway glow of candles inside the chapel.

“I’m fine,” Danna said shortly, sighing. “What was I saying?”

Narcissa’s lips twitched, and she looked at Danna apprehensively for a moment. “My name,” she finally said. “Among...other things.”

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. This could not be happening right now. “What you have to understand--” Danna began.

She was silenced by a quick movement from her roommate. Narcissa had placed her index finger over Danna’s lips, firmly pressing against them. “What?” she murmured. The other girl did not respond, only climbed off the ladder and onto the mattress quickly, pressing her lips this time to Danna’s.

Oh. It was utter bliss. Narcissa’s lips were soft and warm and smelled oddly like coffee. Danna felt herself pushing back, and soon their mouths were open, tongues exploring each other. Danna laid a hand on Narcissa’s shoulder and pushed her down to the mattress, hovering over her. Narcissa let out a pleased sound and Danna felt a certain heat flare below her stomach.

Then--

“No, we can’t,” Danna muttered, mostly to herself. She sat back, hands shaking slightly. “This is wrong, and if they find out--”

“They won’t find out,” Narcissa whispered, a pleading tone in her voice. “And this  _ isn’t _ wrong. You’ve just let them drill that into your head.”

Was that true? Danna bit her lip, thinking hard. What if Narcissa was right? Or, as the thought had just occurred to her--was this simply a trial from God?

Sooner than she could register it, Narcissa had climbed back down the ladder and was lying in her bed below Danna’s again. Danna thought it best to try and go back to sleep, seeing as it was only five a.m., and she did manage it eventually.

When Danna woke for the second time that night, the sun had risen, casting a stream of light onto where Narcissa was brushing her hair in the mirror. She was so beautiful like this, soft, quiet…

Narcissa turned around and picked up her clothes from the bed, heading into the bathroom to change. She gave no indication that she’d even been  _ awake  _ earlier this morning, not to mention making out with Danna. Had she simply dreamed it all?

Narcissa soon emerged in her uniform, complete with a too-short skirt. Danna quickly climbed down the ladder and rummaged through her closet, searching for an alternative. Finally, she found it. “Here,” Danna called to her roommate, handing her the ugly green skirt that was their uniform. “It’s my old one from the beginning of the year, back when I was a bit skinnier. At least try this.”

“Thanks,” Narcissa mumbled to herself, retreating back into the bathroom to try it out. When she closed the door, Danna began to tap her fingers restlessly on her hip, mind whirring in a thousand directions. How could she be sure that what happened this morning was real?  _ God, please send me a sign, _ she prayed.

When Narcissa emerged from the bathroom again, she was wearing Danna’s much longer skirt, which, although a little loose around her lips, seemed to fit well enough. “Thanks,” she said, playing with the fabric.

“Of course!” Danna replied, her voice a little too cheery. Narcissa smiled and winked at her, sending Danna reeling. If this wasn’t a sign, she didn’t know what was. She found herself smiling back. Whatever would come, they could handle it--together.


End file.
